How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I still have a little drunk in my system
not ubering you a puppy
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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