Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
