I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
