I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
