I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize