The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
