I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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