Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
