i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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