i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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