I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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