I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
