I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
