Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
