The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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