so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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