The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
