I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
