Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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