You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
