I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you had me at cake vodka
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
