I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
