dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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