it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
