u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
