Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize