Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I want to have your abortion
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
