so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
