Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
