New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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