i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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