uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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