He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
