You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
