Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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