He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
