Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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