Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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