He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
