Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The ass gains better be worth it
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