I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
