Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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