Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
