Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
