Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
