the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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