he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
