Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
