No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
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He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We have so much sex to catch up on
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
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I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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