it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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