did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
