no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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