rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
