I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
