Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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