i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
dude. I can hear the air.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
