I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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