What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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