they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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