there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We are all done wearing pants today
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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