You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
