i don't like sucking hair
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize